Wanted: “Queen Ecfa”

“Queen Ecfa” Strikes Again

By Edgar Jones, III

Staff Writer

Sketch of the suspect, who apparently pronounces her alias, "Queen ICK-fa."

Wheaton, ILL—Officials are at a loss after a masked intruder broke into the Evangelical Child & Family Agency (ECFA) early this morning.

Police responded to a 911 call at 3:53 am. An anonymous caller described a masked figure climbing out of a south window, garbed in black skinny jeans, a black turtleneck, pink heels, and a gold crown.

This is the fourth in a string of recent break-ins at the local agency. Police believe the same individual is behind all four intrusions.

Though agency officials have heightened security—including the installation of security cameras, an alarm system, guard dogs, and a live-in police liaison headquartered in the building’s attic—the intruder has managed to elude arrest.

And it gets stranger still: after each break-in, authorities find a hand-written note taped to the wall. The messages vary, but one thing remains the same: the signature. The intruder consistently scrawls “Queen Ecfa (It’s pronounced ICK-fa).”

"What we have here is a sneaky individual, with a little too much concern for doing good," states ECFA's police liaison, who says he enjoys his current assignment of living in the building's attic.

“These signatures suggest that the individual is female,” ECFA’s police liaison states. “Also, she is very interested in the correct pronunciation of her name. And possibly a bit of a diva.”

The repeat nature of these offenses have some in the ECFA community concerned.

“We don’t know her ultimate motive,” says an anonymous employee. “She hacks into our agency blog to leave positive messages to the community. She leaves candy on the worker’s desks. This has got to stop!”

If you have any information about “Queen Ecfa” and her exploits, please contact Evangelical Child & Family Agency.

 

 

**This post is entirely fabricated. No 911 call, police involvement, or intrusion ever happened. We do not have a police liaison living in the attic. Though it might be kind of fun to have dogs in the office.